mix thoughts

Here we are; I didn’t expect to open these notes this early, but you never know what life has in store for you. The date is February 9, 2019, 22:16. I keep learning new things, listening to my elders, and trying to act sensibly. Every night, I close my eyes with the hope that tomorrow will be a beautiful day, and every morning, I eagerly await the night so that I can close my eyes again with the same hope for tomorrow. But sometimes, I can’t close my eyes with the same hope—it happens now and then. When it does, I find myself searching for someone around me, always in a constant state of seeking. While I used to criticize people who were always searching, I’ve found that I’ve become one of them. It seems absurd, but you can’t stop it, especially if there’s someone you can’t get out of your mind—then you really can’t stop it.

Today, I’m almost 19 years old. The things I’ve seen, the things I’ve heard from people, the responsibilities I’ve taken on, and the risks I’ve faced have all created countless dead ends in my mind. Yet, the absence of people around me has also taught me new things, like how to deal with those dead ends. After the things I would least want to happen to me actually do happen, a bittersweet sense of joy forms within me, as if to say, “I’m glad it happened.” All the while, not knowing what tomorrow will bring seriously tires me out. Whenever my mind gets overwhelmed, opening these notes and pouring out my thoughts is the only thing that helps. I’m in one of those phases again where I’ve realized this.

And today, I’d like to end my writing with a piece of advice that I came across:

“If you continue to respond emotionally to every sad thing that happens to you, you will continue to suffer. Real strength is sitting back and observing everything with logic. If words can control you, it means everyone else can control you. Breathe, and allow things to pass.” — Bruce Lee.